And the I added in alcohol and looked at Facebook. But I'm jumping way ahead of myself.
Friday morning, work was going along swimmingly. I was feeling much, much better about work in general. I was taking calls. I was fixing issues. I was going through my quality checklist on every call and making sure that I was doing exactly what I was hired to do. The anxiety from earlier in the week was become more controllable and manageable. I was starting to think that, hey, maybe I really could do this. Maybe I had finally found a part-time job that was do-able regardless of my disability.
And then I get called into a private, virtual "conference room" and told that, essentially, someone had complained that they heard Riley in the background of a call and because this was not the first time one of the trainers had heard background noise on my calls, I was in violation of the "distraction free work environment" agreement I had signed. The HR employee that presented me with the information about these calls was aggressive and caustic. Let's call him Dick. By the time Dick finished accusing me of essentially lying to the company about having a home that was set up to allow for an appropriate work environment, I was in tears. And he ended the conversation with, "Okay, well, I need to consult further with the rest of the HR team. So, go ahead and get back on the phones".
Now unless the company intends to send the impression to its customers that their tech support reps are a bunch of sniveling ninnies, there was no way that I was in any shape to take calls. The conversation with Dick had left me feeling upset and defeated. I messaged my trainer and told her there was no way I would be able to complete the day. I was a mess. She very sweetly asked me to call back into the conference line to talk with her. And then pulled a really crappy bait and switch by bringing Dick back onto the line as soon as I got logged in. Being the personable guy he is, he essentially told me that he agreed that I shouldn't get back on the phone and that he would have another member of the HR team call me later in the afternoon.
The call was not even slightly encouraging. "Tuesday", the HR chick, was cold. The distraction-free work environment policy was read to me verbatim. I was asked if I understood that and asked if I understood how my dogs being in the back ground would go against that policy. When Tuesday asked if I had any comments to make, I explained that we had less than one week to go in training, during which I would gladly take my dogs to daycare to ensure they were not an issue and that once training was finished Wendy would be home to keep them occupied and out of my office. Tuesday didn't indicate one way or another that plan would be enough. She told me that there would be a further meeting with my training team and I would hear from them with the final decision about what action would come next before my next scheduled shift, either sometime over the weekend or at the latest, I could call in on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m., one hour before my shift.
I spent the rest of Friday feeling humiliated and disheartened. Regardless of all the hard work I have done to conquer my anxiety, I might lose this job. I was adjusting to the idea of working again. I have started enjoying having a bit of extra money to put into a savings account and a bit of pocket money to toss at wedding planning.
The remainder of the day was spent cycling between crying and giving in to stress-induced narcolepsy. By the time Wendy came home from work, I was quite frankly spent. The idea of dinner out was the only possibility that I would eat, because there was no way in hell that I was going to cook. Unfortunately, I made the decision to have a very large margarita with dinner and to surf Facebook. A perceived jilt has pretty much determined the rest of my weekend. I have felt pretty useless and unwanted. (Though the slight still burned, it was absolutely the result of drinking while I was already feeling vulnerable.)
So, here I sit. Completely unaware if I have a job. It's Sunday at 8:45 a.m. and I have yet to hear from them. I guess we'll find out tomorrow morning.
